Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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