oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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