if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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