I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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