Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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