final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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