i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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