i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
