I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
