Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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