just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
