They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
