Her vagina should come with caution tape.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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