Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Mom said you looked used
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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