She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
