I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
