it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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