Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
