I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
