tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
