im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
