I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
