She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
