hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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