I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
