just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
