from now on my penis is your penis
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize