So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
