While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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