Define "chronic" masturbator.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
