Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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