I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
