After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
