WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
