If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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