Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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