Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
