I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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