i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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