I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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