He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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