u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
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I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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