allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
