the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
