I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
