If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
