My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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