If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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