did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
