Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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