I can text with my tongue
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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