Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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