I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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