2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
