Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
