Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
