Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
