Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
