Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?