you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
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I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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