I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick