how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.