dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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