Plan B is the new Plan A
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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