no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
