Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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