dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
