hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
