No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
