dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
