So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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