lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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