WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
