I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
