On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she woke up with a sticky ear
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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