I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
