you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
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You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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