New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
